a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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