I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
