I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
