i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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