He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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