Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
