What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I could teleport
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
