you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want to make out with him forever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
