I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
