And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im holly from the hills drunk
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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