apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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