im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
