She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forget how to act sober
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
