this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
