see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
