i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
