SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
