after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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