Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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