who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
