I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
