I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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