Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
