tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
