I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
