Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
