i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need water and some morals
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
