I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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