Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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