i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
