I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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