My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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