It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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