Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
