do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
