there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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