Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
