Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
