And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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