i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Shame - the story of my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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