I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
