someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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