My hand turned me down
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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