Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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