I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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