Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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