I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
birth control should be required to get into college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
