You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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