Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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