it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
