May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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