please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
