I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
