before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
