if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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