I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
