I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
