Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
