also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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