strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
