if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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