Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
